i woke to joy division blaring out my alarm clock. walked downstairs, turned on the tv, heard all the names being listed, and i began bawling. i think everything that happened and what could have happened finally, finally hit me. after penting up all my feelings and refusing to talk about it...i realized that my dad honestly could have died two years ago today. it hit me so fucking hard i couldn't control my hysteria over it this morning.
my mother was on the phone with her brother in costa rica - i was unaware and screamed at her for not caring or talking to me, when i needed someone to talk to. after she got off the phone, we talked about it...and she made me feel a lot better about it. she then updated me, how she was talking to my uncle & how he has a rare thyroid problem and they thought it was cancer, but luckily it's not.
from there, the conversation took so many twists & turns covering: issues with the family on my father's side...about all the lost $$ in spain from my grandfather's will, my aunt alicia being a crazy selfish person & destroying her relationship with her brothers over money, how they are going to go to spain and sort that out slowly. to my cousin joanne and her trip to spain coming up, cassi & her problems and then it shifted to drugs.
i sat on my couch literally trying to talk my mom into trying pot with me. trying again and again how it's not as bad as she says, that she classifies it as a "drug" right alongside coke, heroin, etc. when it's totally different. she's so backwards and still refuses to try it to this day. i told her though, i'm going to slip it into a brownie or make a tea or something...i WILL get my mom high before i move out of this house.
she claims if i do, she'll throw me out of the house and i told her i wouldn't mind because i will find the whole thing so funny it wouldn't matter. i told her all about my veiws of how i don't find it bad, i do find excessive use of it is bad, how i tried pot before ever trying hash in spain [she thinks i tried hash for the first time last summer] - i pretty much gave her a little more insight into my drug life...only not mentioning how frequently/moderately i do it, or when i actually did first try it.
we were having breakfast when The Sounds of Silence came on the cd changer and i ever so carefully told her how Simon & Garfunkel are going to have a reunion tour. i told her not to scream or cry before breaking the news to her...but of course, she did both. i've promised i'll get her tickets, only she's telling me she wants GOOD seats. it'll be hard but i'll try my best. i think it would be really sweet to see them with my mom just as i've taken her to see Bjork & Sigur Ros. it would be all around cool if her, fo, & i went to the NY show together. just have to sort out the details.
so there was no school, only nice meaningful conversation with my mom who i love very much. i'll go to see joanne & give her the pictures for Maria tomorrow...after my mom & i go finish buying my books & eat some sushi. i love my mom.